Maserati

I was sitting in my Maserati
Fighting off the gloom
Looking for some harmless fun
To take back to my room
When who should come along
But good old sultry Sue
I said "Hello there darling!"
She said "How'd you do?"
I said "Ya wanna take a ride?"
She smiled
Jumped in
I locked the door
I switched on my cassette
Her scent was strong
Her eyes were bright
Her lips were red and wet
She flicked her hair back
Crossed her legs
She undid her coat
I sighed
She cried
I nearly died
I kissed her on the throat
I took her back to my place
She beat me to the door
And by the time I got inside
Her clothes were on the floor
Oh, what a gas!
What a ripping wheeze!
What ecstasy!
The things I did with Suzy!
The things she did to me!
But then it started raining
Spluttering on the pane
I leapt up and made the door
She lay in a heap on the kitchen floor
My Maserati!
My Maserati!
Where's the garage keys?
My Maserati!
It's raining!
I fell down to my knees
I groped in all my pockets
Searching everywhere
Gnashed my teeth
Bit my lip
Tore out lumps of hair
I looked beneath the sideboard
In a vase
Under the chair
My Maserati was getting wetter
And she didn't seem to care!
Then I remembered where I left the keys
Hanging by the breakfast bar
I grabbed them
Pulled my pants on
Went out to my dripping car
My hands were white and trembling
As the key turned in the door
I drove my car in and sat there
Sadly listening
To the raindrops
From the bonnet
Dripping on the garage floor
I forgot about old Suzy
Stretched out behind the breakfast bar
But I hope she'll understand one day
How much I love my car.