Memories of Zen

There are so many things that I remember
The closeness of him
Each moment we have had together
Is carved like deep scars in my flesh
Each drop of blood remembered
In that red cascade of moments
Fallen, precious on the floor of time
And there is no aid that I can find
To gather those moments of mine
.

As you walk upon the beach in Galway
And leave uncertain moments on the road from Dublin
As you
My son
Walk the paths of Europe to find whatever lies there
A prayer I leave
That somewhere on that road
You will encounter men wiser than me
Lost in some part of history
But able to bring something forth
Of the great mystery
.

Tears burst from me
And I am screaming from my passion
My despair
.

I have left nothing on the path before you
But a few solitary moments of enlightenment
Held in donuts
I fed you as a child
.

I was
Your mother
Your father
Your lover
And your king
.

But there is nothing now but the memories.
And I am fallen before you
Unworthy of your love
.

There is nothing
I am fallen in the pain
Of how I have served you
And I can never be released
From these bonds of fatherhood
.

I would release you
I will release you
From these chains
If I can
Standing
And accepting
.

And if I cannot do the job that is needed
In releasing you
Then you must release yourself
And take my life to your children.
.

For everything that I wished to give
Hangs loose from me now
In its sad delusion
.